I fought the law and the law won.

Today will go down in history as one in which the world witnessed scenes of murdering aggression in international waters towards a "freedom flotilla". I note that in London hundreds have marched on Downing St. and the Israeli embassy, already, and had I been in the UK right now I think I would have been inclined to join them!

Today will also be marked, in my personal history at least, as the day I fought off my own internationally condemned aggressor (no matter which country you visit); The Police.

As I have mentioned before any names you read here and any photos you see, of individuals, have been changed to protect the innocent but, even with this being the case, I am unable to mention the nature of my brush with the law at present. Let's just say money changed hands and I think I came off rather badly from the whole affair. I don't know what inspired the title for The Clashs' memorable song about their meeting with the rozzers but, what I do know is that putting up a fight is often futile and always *expensive.

So, armed with this knowledge, I thought I would forgo the fighting and futility and move straight on to the expense. I have been well schooled in bribery techniques for East Africa and it it's not the first continent I have paid additional "tax" in but, the fact remains, it is still a very tricky and unpredictable situation and a certain amount of trepidation occupies the psyche when you reach for your wallet to "help out" the local constable.

Of course everything worked out and I am not writing this from a cell but, I can't help feeling hard done by or, even more galling, wipe the memory of the grinning copper as he pocketed my cash.


 I think next time I am taking the other advice I have been given; Punch and run.





O yes.... here's a picture of a mountain and an orphanage.

*Please refer to my younger brother for more info (hi Dan).

Good things come to those who wait.

For the benefit of those who are not regular followers, I am now meant to be settling in to African family life at a home-stay just outside of Arusha after the premature departure from my last family home was necessitated by unfortunate personal circumstances. However, for a number of reasons, this has not occurred....

Firstly the location of my potential new home was not ideal, being on the opposite side of the town from the village I have been working in, making for a lengthy commute every day. Secondly, the condition of the roads around the latest proposed home-stay dictates that a boat is required to access the place during *rainy season and thirdly, the name of the matriarch in the home-stay is Mama Minge.

Because of a mass gathering of teachers from all over Northern Tanzania, every cheap hotel in town is full this week, and I have been forced into a more upmarket existence. I am currently residing in a very European looking place that charges the exorbitant sum of US$30 per night which is roughly three times as much as I will pay, in the slightly more down-market place only 200 yards up the road, once the teachers have left. It's not all bad though, I have an executive suite with two bathrooms (still not sure why they thought the room needed two bathrooms) and a **reception room to receive guests. There is also a reasonably good restaurant on the ground floor with a fully stocked bar which I have, of course, taken advantage of. So my long wait to meet my new family is over and instead I have to settle with hot water and beer on tap. Life's a bitch sometimes.

My life of Western pleasures comes to an abrupt end tomorrow when the teachers leave town and the rest of my stay will be lived-out in the less salubrious surrounding of Monjes C which more than qualifies for the category of "down-market".

Most of the small businesses in Ngaramtoni that I have been overseeing are beginning to commence trading using the administered grants. I am pleased to say that there has only been one worrying development that has come to light thus far. It appears that one of the grant recipients may have done a runner with the money I provided but, if this is the only hiccup of this nature that I encounter with my little group of budding entrepreneurs then I will be more than happy.

The big news in Ngaramtoni this week was a murder. One of the locals fell out with his neighbour and decided the best way to resolve the dispute was to bury a knife in him and jump on the first bus out of there. It was the talk of the town all week but, I am sad to say it made very little impression on me and I maintain it is probably safer in Ngaramtoni than in most areas of London. Coming form a city where it is impossible to pick up a newspaper without reading about a shooting, stabbing or violent mugging I actually feel relatively safe around here!

I am now roughly half way through my time in Tanzania and the place is growing on me. I am even contemplating writing a glowing reference for Arusha on the Lonely Planet/Rough Guide web sites which will be a in stark contrast to most of the comments about the place. It really is a fairly nice town and I fail to understand why everybody gives Arusha such a hard time.

Must dash now my G&T has arrived.

*It is currently rainy season.
**Completely devoid of any furniture but spacious enough to throw a good party in.

P.s. Here's a picture of a smiling orphan for you at one of the partner projects I visited this week.

 

"In the fight between you and the world, back the world." Frank Zappa

I write this from the (dis)comfort of my hotel room.

Yes, the world has conspired to scupper my best laid plans and I am yet to make it to my new home. I am told that a taxi will be here to pick me up in one hour but, I am not holding my breath.... I have no idea where my new family live or who they are but, I do know they are somewhere just outside the city/town of Arusha.

The aid projects in Ngaramtoni have really started moving along now and despite the very slow pace of things out here I believe (don't quote me on this!) that all the businesses I am trying to start will be up and running by the end of this week.

I am told the rainy season is ending now and that the temperature will start to rise drastically in June. It is already warm enough here, as far as I am concerned, and I don't think I have encountered any buildings, bar the 4 top hotels here, that have air-conditioning so I am not looking forward to the sweat-inducing season just around the corner. The locals are wearing jumpers and coats at the moment with the average temperature being at least 26 degrees which for them is cold. I can tell you with great authority that deodorant is not something Tanzanians use a great deal which I know will make the already cramped and smelly bus journeys, I have to take no more cramped but, a lot more odorous once it starts really hotting up here. Joy.

Baring no relevance at all to today's post I leave you with a picture of a couple of new friends and the view from my hotel;

P.s. Did I mention I have found a golf course!

Mourning has broken

It looks like my stint in hotel accommodation is over and I will be placed with another Tanzanian family tomorrow which, I am sure, will be another culturally broadening experience.

Since I last posted I have been urinated on by monkeys, (with an attempted but, unsuccessful, poohing thrown in for good measure) played a cracking round of golf and seen a large underground birthing chamber constructed by a dog (see pictures).

Tomorrow I will be buying materials to make chicken coops and stock for some of the businesses I am trying to get off the ground. I remain slightly frustrated at the slow pace at which things move out here but, I have an amazing solution that cures all these problems..... beer!

"Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all." William Goldman.

Today's post is devoted to the very sad passing of the father in the house I have been living in.

I write this from my hotel room which will be my home for the next few days at least...

Normal service will resume after a short period of mourning.

A day in the life...

08:30 : Wake up as eldest son in house blares out African pop music.
08:31 : Contemplate how upset this unexpected alarm call makes me.
08:32 : Back to sleep.
09:00 : Extremely annoying ring tone-alarm goes off.
09:05 : Collect water for shower, shower, shave etc., etc....
09:45 : Leave house to catch daladala (see previous posts for more detailed description of over crowded death trap/bus).
09:46-10:00 : Walk to main road with dozens of people, young and old, constantly reminding you that you are white (in case you forget I suppose?).
10:30 : Arrive on Sokoine Rd. (central Arusha).
10:30-11:30 : Buy Indian made football (rip-off at £22.50!!!!!). Meet former volunteer from *remand centre and current volunteer. Arrive at remand centre after short walk from town centre.
11:31-13:30 : Meet Governor of remand centre and the current residents. Talk about how life could be better for all concerned and persuade fellow volunteer she should spend some time in the prison fantastic teaching environment.
13:31-16:00 : Walk back to central Arusha to posh hotel, buy beer, sit by pool and contemplate how terrible life is for some people. Meet more volunteers and talk about how to improve life for aforementioned 'some people'.
16:00-16:30 : Walk to office, meet more charity workers, go to local street bar to drink more beer and discuss how lucky we are and how nice beer is, ways to give beer to the poor and transfer luck.
16:31-17:00 : Witness car pull up, two distressed men being forced out of the car into the back of the very bar I am sitting in. Listen to two grown men cry and beg whilst being physically beaten.
17:01-17:30 : Pretend it's not happening. Watch one of the current assailants go back to the car and produce specially prepared instruments of torture to further beat victims with. Listen to further beatings being administered and try not listen to, assumed, cries for mercy.
17:31-18:30 : Learn from waitress that two men being beaten were thieves and this is 'local justice'. Discuss merits of such a justice system and what it might bring to the UK. Get taxi, head home.
18:31-Present : Buy water from local kiosk. Talk with loved ones. Write blog...

*A secure unit where either prisoners, already serving their terms are held but, more commonly, where those still awaiting trial are contained.

Trumpet in a herd of elephants; crow in the company of cocks; bleat in a flock of goats.

I've been trying to go native but, as I have probably mentioned before, it is very hard to convince anybody here that you are anything but, a Western tourist, who needs to be relieved of their money as quickly as humanly possible, and blending in is not really an option.

My host family took me to a goat restaurant last night and the eldest daughter led me directly to the kitchen, past dozens of pairs of curious eyes all wandering what the Mzungu is doing in their favourite eatery, so I could choose the meat for myself...

Not exactly the Ritz but, then I never thought it would be and by god, it tasted great!

You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.

This week has beckoned the end of a chapter in my time in Arusha, a milestone has been reached and the rag-tag team of hopeful entrepreneurs, I have had a hand in assembling, training and pushing into the commercial environment of Ngaramtoni, are ready to prove their worth. 


The first weeks trading figures will be available the week after next and the result of my efforts out here will be worryingly easy to scrutinise. I feel a certain amount of pressure to show positive results, not only for myself of course but, for the grant recipients and their families who are in such desperate need of a basic income to enable them to at least subsist and if they are lucky afford the occasional luxury like sugar cane or a new piece of cloth to fashion clothing from.


The training consisted of teaching very basic profit and loss principles, accounting practices, record keeping and ideas on how to make their individual businesses attractive to potential customers. Over the two days I spent in front of the 12 or so people, gathered in a local church to listen to our attempts at equipping them with the tools necessary for success , I realised that to get these people excited and fired-up is almost impossible, with a total lack of any recognisable signs of excitement or enthusiasm on show. I am told this is a cultural trait and that all those setting sail on this journey of commercial discovery are hugely passionate "on the inside". I just hope that it's true.


The church we used as our training centre was on the grounds of a local school and the children were delighted to see *Wzungu and myself and my fellow Mzungu friend were mobbed upon arrival.

 Bob Marley is a very popular figure in Tanzania and this week it would have been his birthday if he were still in the land of the living. This would-be occasion is marked here by a weekend of Bob tribute acts performing at most of the bars and hotels in town as well as by Bob-themed evenings being put on at every opportunity. Tonight I am looking forward to a large helping of Mr Marley's contribution to music and to witnessing some of the unique local dancing styles on show. I will try and get some photos but, the locals can get pretty tetchy about this and usually demand money before any photos can be taken.

Have a good weekend.....

This week I have mostly been.....

....working on my T-shirt tan!

Caught sight of myself in a hotel mirror at the weekend and was shocked to see I am still the archetypal pasty Englishman from the neck down. I am now condemned to a life without entering public swimming facilities unless I am either fully clothed or I wish to be an object of ridicule for the locals and Westerners alike.

I hope the photo doesn't offend too many of your sensibilities. If anybody has a better photographic representation of this phenomena I will gladly post it up here upon receipt... you may take that as a challenge and please remember names are being changed to protect the incontinent.

I also hear Britain has a new Prime Minster or is it Prime Ministers????

Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.

Those of you that know me well will appreciate that I am, in fact, fundamentally lazy. This is clearly a non-genetic affliction as most of my immediate relatives are extremely proactive and driven. I am trying to cure myself of this unfortunate trait but, I don't think, Tanzania is going to help because they only seem to have two speeds here; slow and slower.

More than one person has requested that I put up the obligatory smiling African children photos, so in a bid to please my adoring fans mother, here are some shots of my working day. This also means I don't have to think about what prose I bore you to death with this evening and serves my dilatory nature perfectly.

Et voilà,

 OK, they're the 'playing in the rubbish dump' kids rather than the 'smiling African' ones but, hey...

.....there you go.

 The goat is especially for my good friend Ben.W. because he loves them so much (..and I can't find anything that comes even close to the filth he used to send to my work email so a goat will have to suffice...come to think I'm sure one of the emails did feature a goat!).

Lunch

Another week has come and gone and we seem to be making headway with setting up businesses for some very unfortunate people who just need a bit of a hand to get started.

Yesterday I *met The Chicken Man. Nice guy. For the cost of his transport and a beer we arranged to meet and he shared a lot of what he knows about the chicken business. Interesting stuff.... only if you want to start a chicken business. The Chicken man has also agreed to give the ladies I am helping a lecture on chicken husbandry and to visit them on a regular basis to check everything is ok and help them out with any chicken related issues.

It really restores your faith in humanity when somebody like The Chicken Man who already does so much in a local orphanage, and has so little, is willing to give even more of himself without asking for anything in return. Life is tough here for the locals but there are still a lot of people willing to share what they can.

Very little goes to waste in this part of the world and that includes the food and especially the valuable meat resources. On Friday I discovered exactly what I have been having for lunch in the local restaurant for the last couple of week and bitterly regret finding out. It's not that I am surprised to learn brains, eyes, tongues etc., etc. are a staple ingredient in the dishes I consume, it's just I would rather not know!

*Of course he works on African Time and I waited for the best part of 3 hours for him to turn up!

Need I say more?

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.

With all that has been going on around me for the last few weeks it was only yesterday that I realised that back in the UK there is an election looming large. An Australian lady reminded me it is in fact illegal not to vote in her homeland and was surprised by my total apathy when it comes to voting in this UK general election.

Sadly the current state of British politics leaves me cold but the political situation over here in East Africa is a lot more exciting. The general election is also just around the corner for the people of Tanzania who, on the face of it at least, are one of the very few unified countries in Africa.

The problems this country faces could be drastically eased with good governance and there is certainly evidence of progress out here. However, just like in any good political fight there are always sly tactics employed to grab the voters attention. The current government has just embarked on massive and very visible road restructuring programme. A lot of the mud roads are all-but washed away during the rainy season. Right around the town centre these roads are now being rebuilt. The whisper among the locals is that this is a prime example of the aforementioned vote winning tactics.

Be that as it may there is a noticeable improvement in the roads and whether it's a vote winning tactic or not everybody here is benefiting. On this basis my solution for a better Tanzania would be to hold an election every six months and then maybe even the railways would work by the end of next year....


Yesterday I was having a drink with a fellow volunteer who had been sent an email from a young girl, who is coming to Arusha to do voluntary work, asking him if he had any tips on what to pack.
When I asked him what he had advised her he replied without missing a beat;

"A rape alarm". I wonder if she's still coming?

In other news; On Sunday a colleague was accidently hit in the face by a bottle wielding maniac who was fighting off the police in Ngaramtoni where I am working. Obviously everybody was stunned to learn that there are in fact Police in Ngaramtoni! Also it looks like I will have to spend some time in the remand centre out here. Should be fun....

Power to the people.

The power has been off for two days now. The family I am, very kindly being hosted by, are accustomed to these money saving antics from the power *companies and the government and the only person who is phased by this interruption in service, is the eldest son who will be forced to miss his much needed fix of British football.


The Tanzanians seem to be football mad and I plan to go to a match this coming week to soak up the atmosphere and see another side of everday social life the locals enjoy. Sadly Arusha Town are not doing very well at the moment and I don't expect to see a stadium full of supporters.

Anyway can't say much more because there is no generator here and I can't charge my computer at the moment and the battery is running ou




*The power companies and the government are seen as the reasons for, what I have been told are deliberate, shut downs of the electricity grid in certain areas around Arusha.

It could be worse.....

...and for your viewing pleasure I have uploaded a picture of the outskirts of Ngaramtoni where I am working for the next few months.

Last night I attended a farewell gathering for a fellow charity worker who has been looking after children in a remand centre/prison just outside of town. We met for a couple of drinks in a locals bar near the charity office and then headed off to grab some food.

The staple diet of the people in and and around Arusha is rice and beans with bananas, tomatoes, onions and avocados being the standard fruit/veg on offer it would seem. The beans are normally stewed and if you can afford it you can have a beef stew in a rich sauce to compliment the rice. Last night however we were treated to some of the best street meat I have tasted anywhere in the world.

Mr Khan runs 'Khans The Garage' by day from a back street premises fixing cars and motorbikes with his helpers but, by night, he shuts up shop and opens 'Khans The Restaurant'. I have never had supper outside a garage before but I can highly recommend this place. Mr Khan puts up some tables on the street at around 18:00 and brings out his BBQs to start preparing whole marinated chickens and delicious lamb kebabs for any and all who have heard about his culinary skills. There is a buffet of lovingly prepared salads and chopped vegetables to appease your appetite whilst the meat is slow cooked over the hot coals and once you have your food you take a seat at the roadsid and devour with a fresh pint of mango juice.

Today I was browsing information on Arusha and I came across a reference to Mr Khans in the Lonely Planet guide to Tanzania. What I also discovered during my research was that The Lonely Planet has a top ten list of the worst cities in the world. This should be examined by any would be traveler and used accordingly. I only wish I had seen it before I left home. Yes, Arusha makes this top/bottom 10! Sitting firmly at number 8 in the list of 'places to avoid', a lot of the comments about the place are along the lines of "Things to do in Arusha? Leave as quickly as possible" and one of my personal favourites, simply, "Shit hole".

Now I think this ranking a little unfair and I can't agree with a lot of the comments I have read because there is a certain charm about the place, the people are amazing and where else in the world can you dine at a garage?

I am also constantly reminded that things could be a lot worse for these people and for myself because sitting at number 5 in the list of worst cities in the world is Wolverhampton (England). I am only glad the charity posted me to Arusha!!!